Friday, March 25, 2005

Is music the closest I can get to being myself?

Seems like it. We all learn a lot from our surroundings, but those lessons are not all there is to us. I've gone through days when the facts suddenly become too much to handle. That important link between gathering facts and processing them seems to be some kind of bottleneck. That's when I need to shut out the physical world. I invariably resort to music, if not meditation. Sometimes both.

Now I'm trying to see if I'm just pleasing my auditory senses here, or does the relaxation happen because of some other factor. True, some good sounds that hold you in rapt attention can take your mind off the reality you just faced. So temporarily, your energies are devoted to something pleasant. Which means, there was something about the real world that made you tired, de-energized, and there's something about some well harmonized sounds, that
1) ease out your tiredness and relax those constricted muscles
2) make you hit the roof with excitement ( if the song's one of THOSE types)

The second part happens when there's visible gaining of energy ... somewhere some resource is being unleashed in your body and as you get absorbed in the rhythm, melody ( or whatever it is you look for in a song)... and as the intensity of the song picks up, you feel your energies returning full strength, and these keep increasing till the end of the song, leaving you on a high.

This intensity of the song, causes your own positive energies to come out and spread themselves on you. Leave the energy transactions for now. Let's look at the song. The song is a collaborative effort of a few people who got together and established contact with their inner energies and instincts and expressed whatever they felt then. It could've been their rational minds exploring a technique or a scale, or it could've been their feelings taking them up and down the scale. Either way, their rational mind or their emotions, contact with something inside has to be established before their skill can express it. Their skill can only express it.

So when I listen to bands that take off on lovely riffs or ones like Shakti, where each person is spontaneously exploring their domain within the framework of the song, I feel that my reaching a high has as much to do with seeing this contact they've established with their inner selves, as with appreciating their skillfulness.

I don't know yet, but on some level, my inner peace gets unleashed, the frown vanishes, the set jaw relaxes, the gaze softens...
If the song's the types the build up on intensity instead of just soothing its way till the end, then I can actually feel my toes and fingers bubbling with energy towards the end. After these visible energy changes, I feel like I just shrugged off those silly inane worries.
More importantly, when I get around to the keyboard to play, I can visibly feel this connection happening. When I listen to a classical piece, I can see the singer so much in contact with the feel of the raaga, and yet retaining judgement to express skill within it's framework. Maybe it's not just music. Maybe it's directly rejuvenating to see anyone establish a moment's connection. Music is more instantaneous to me because I posses some basic skill. But I'd be wrong if I tried to limit all my happy moments to music.

It may be a piece of art, it may be a deed of kindness, or it may be a program that worked after you spent all your energy on it trying to make it work, or just something you cooked that turned out well. It's all a matter of taking a step backwards for just a second, and savouring that moment. The very next moment, you're already smiling.

Music, art, work, anything... they're all reflective of human thinking, and human transcendance. It's the transcendance that moves you, reaches out to you. It's upto you to take a moment off to step aside and shake hands with it.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I wonder as I wander .. right under the sky..

Don't ask me why that song came to my mind. I can't even remember the second line. Just another one of those "apt" sounding thoughts that cross your mind when you start typing. Why apt? Well because curiously, today I'm back in full circle at this point. Don't know exactly where on the sine wave this point comes, but I've been here before. On a different instant of time maybe, but the magnitude of this sinewave is something I've seen before repeatedly. Can't say it's close to the crest. And I've learnt that nothing is rock bottom. But this surely figures somewhere on the lower half of the sine curve.

What actually happened was this Missed-it-by-just-that-much routine again. I've been there before, and have even seen my future dangle by a silken thread all because of this repeating pattern. Today again I missed going to DHL by a cat's whisker. I needed to take some printouts, to send them out, and I manage to print 5 pages out of 6, when there's a power failure. My printer isn't hooked up to the UPS, so it won't work even if the UPS gives me a 15-minute back-up. Also, I'm printing the application off the internet, and I get automatically disconnected from the internet when there's a power failure.There's also my SoP to be printed out. Now if I'd got 10 minutes more, I'd have finished my online business with the printer, reached DHL hours before 6:30 (hmph!) and sent off the packet.

But that was not to be. No big deal really, I can always send the packet tomorrow, I'm well within the deadline to be able to afford a lot more delay and still be comfortably in. Just this moment's deja-vu that I'm trying not to notice. Just telling myself it's a dumb power failure we're talking about. That I must really stop trying to guiltily trace this back to the 10 minutes when I was just listening to a song and doing nothing else, before I got to work on the comp. This whole thing of tracing back the root cause of such close brushes leaves me going around in circles. Because I've seen people who really go easy on themselves get by with what seems to be a stroke of luck, which they've themselves confessed to. In my case, forget stroke of luck, I miss things that I've slogged towards, by such a small margin, it's almost apalling.

Either I'm still missing the lesson. Or there isn't any.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Help

No one can deny not having taken it, or having given it. Yet, all too often, we take/give help without being aware that our deed falls under this category. In fact, what seems to be a memory of the distant past, suddenly turns into a form of help, suddenly turns into a broomstick :) that you can sweep out old corners with. Suddenly an old corner of your mind's all
  • clean and neat, tidied up,
  • sorted out,
  • and even brightened up with a nice flower.

To put it in more concrete words, at the risk of spoiling the beauty of it all, there was a time when I didn't understand why someone behaved in a particular way. The memories I have of those days were a confused lot. I didn't know what to label each memory as. So had put all those in a box labelled To Be Sorted - Further decisions pending till box is sorted out.
Which basically means that I'd been refusing to make any judgements about that person, or the acts, or the experience I had, till I reach the root cause of the behavior. I was quite prepared not to ever understand this, and to carry the box with me to my grave. Only wanted that I don't decide anything when I don't know the other side of the story. Put more simply, I gave that person the benefit of doubt in all future transactions we'd ever have between us. Total non-judgement.

That has helped preserve cordiality, because my general affection for everyone I meet is usually enough to prevent any ice from forming. If the air starts to nip, then it's mostly because in some corner of my mind, I'd have decided to LET IT nip.

Now recently, an old thought about that person just sprang up in my mind, all by itself. And as is my habit, I started out trying to follow that thought and picking up old pieces of thread and unravelling the knot. I reached my answers about WHY that person behaved that way. Now all of a sudden, I'm glad I didn't judge that person at that time, and didn't decide to sever all ties (as I was honestly tempted to do).
I can't blame myself for wanting to opt out of the relationship then, because things did seem hurtful at the surface. It would have been acceptable to do that, given that this person didn't seem the least bit interested in clearing up the air, let alone feel bad for the harm done.

But now when answers are clear to me, I'm glad I didn't raise those questions then.

For I see the answers in better light now. And no matter how unpleasant it all seemed then, going through that has made me more insightful. I even find myself wishing I'd had such insights then, so I could actually help that person see things in better light, instead of spending time sweeping my own feelings of hurt under the carpet. There would've been no hurt, then. Right now, I see that this person hasn't moved on from that frame of mind, even so many years down the line. Just wish I hadn't let my feelings of hurt ride above my affection. Then I'd have been able to help the situation ( and that person), just like how the situation's helped me understand some fundamental things right now. Here's to a brightened up corner.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A different world

Attended the first day of a 3-day International Telemedicine conference held in Bangalore. I knew that there wasn't a lot in it for DSP engineers, but the DSP is what makes the whole thing possible, so I went just to see how it's shaping up in our country. Glad I did, because not only do I have a larger picture of things now, I also lived for a few hours in a completely different world.

There were hardly any non-doctors present there. The event was mainly to popularize the far reaching effects of technology with the Hospital Administrators. Telemedicine started 2-3 years back in India, with ISRO chipping in with satellite bandwidth to help move the huge medical data of the patient to the superspecialist doctor sitting smug in his air-conditioned office in a city. The whole reason why Telemedicine is important in India, is because the population is largely rural-centric, and specialization and then super-specialization is almost completely urban centric. Something has to be done to bridge the gap.

So the Telemedicine can be used to
1) Reduce the influx of rural residents to urban hospitals for specialized treatment, by providing them with timely advice through a video conference
2) Reach urban (often international) expertise to rural people. It's not like they don't NEED super-specialized care, just because it doesn't exist in those regions.
3) Save time, money, lives. Not in that order.

At the end of the plenary sessions, I was seized by this huge urge to go grab the mike and give everyone at ISRO and the IT ministry a piece of my mind. Since there were a lot of doctors sitting there, whose time I didn't want to waste ( the conference was held mainly to lead them by the finger and help them use telemedicine, so they'll embrace the change - engineers would get bored in 5 mins flat), I didn't shout. ( Ok.. there were other reasons too...)

But though the technology is evolving, what needs to be worked out is a pliable business model for this whole thing. Software and hardware vendors are ready with telemedicine software and equipment. But all too often, for business interests, their softwares don't speak the same language to each other. All telemedicine equipment and software MUST be made interoperable, and for that, you need to define standards and have them confirm to that. There should be this national grid, where any doc anywhere , any chain of hospitals ( you thought hospitals were just about saving lives? they're business too, for those who see them that way.) should be able to plug in to the national resource anytime and either

1) do his bit towards a patient, or
2) gain some knowledge at any point. ( Video conferencing is a great way to teach specialized things or rare cases to docs across the globe. The conference gave examples of how sharing of rare experiences by old docs has saved many a life).
Now the Ministry of Information Technology has defined standards, but they're largely just following footsteps.

So interoperability is a huge factor that needs to be outlined, guidelined and enforced.

The main thing is that business models of this entire concept are yet to be worked out. There should be a pre-implementation phase, where the needs and resources are assessed, then the implementation, then a post-implementation phase, where there's a hand-holding period and then the software firms gradually ease themselves out of the set-up, providing back up support only after that. The sad thing is, while frameworks for this noble venture are still being worked out, we have medico-legal implications already turning up . Framing laws takes a lot of time. We'll be behind the revolution's curve if we don't prioritize soon. What NEEDS to be done at this point is to set up a stringent skeletal framework for technical concurrence and GET started. Once the benefits reach, other developments can be phased out.

Other than that, it's the fact that ISRO is largely importing technology, that saddened me. I have quite a few friends abroad, who're willing to give up their rich jobs and come down to India to break new ground, but forget financial lure, the Govt's enterprise is so full of dogmatic old people that they're not even willing to hear anyone out. I met a few electronics engineers at the conference, who'd come from some company ( Infinera.. something... darn.. they all sound so like each other...) that'd been roped in to set up the video conferencing equipment, and these guys , working for the last few days with ISRO, say that they've seen what the ISRO guys do.. the usual working day at ISRO is full of breaks, at least 3 half-hour coffee breaks, 1 hour lunch breaks... these poor (outsiders) engineers took 4 days to do a 2 -days job because everyone at ISRO starts packing up by 4:45 and leaves by 5. These engineers are a year younger to me, and were willing to stay up till 10 to do their work.

Hence the brain drain. We'd all heard about it, but to see it happen and feel those vibes of stagnation that the 50-60 year old smug emplyees give out... that's something else. They pat themselves on the shoulder after having brought in what's already in practice elsewhere. What happened to the concept of breaking new ground, sitting here on home turf? It's another sad thing that Macaulay's education system was designed to turn out clerks for the British to use, and still hasn't evolved enough to get the individual to think on his feet. It's still producing people in hordes, only, they're not clerks, they're engineers. What's the big idea putting inexperienced junior teachers to teach us when we step into our branch?
Most of these didn't manage to land a job in a software firm.. and are hence teaching. Not like love of teaching is their reason to be there. Our very basics are hollow, and if anyone managed to get the basics right, then he was swimming upstream against the thousands that come out everyyear, with high percentages to show and nothing else of any consequence.

From what I hear now VTU's scrapped the mini project in 6th sem, and has introduced 5 subjects in the 8th sem. I don't even want to talk anymore.

Anyway, getting back to the the vibes in the air at the conference.........

Also in the air was this sense of purpose that every doctor inherently carries with him. It felt good to be surrounded by people who do such direct service. I happened to take in the fact that each one of them goes home gratified at the end of a day, no matter how tiring it is. This line of work ensures instant gratification. Kinda like Teaching.
I'm not saying other professions are not worthwhile, each has its place under the sun.. just that we're measuring how direct/instantaneous the gratification is.

After a grand lunch, there was a hands-on training session, in which they were able to accommodate only 230 out of some 350 delegates, to give each one individual attention for a span of 15 mins to teach them how to work the software. I decided not to deprive any young doctor of his training , and never gave in my name for that. But that left me with nothing to do till 4:30, when the Governer comes for the inauguration. I had more important people to meet, so spent the afternoon and much of the evening with my grandmother's younger sister and her husband, who stay nearby with my cousin.
Had nice chat sessions with them, and took in vibes that accomplished, loving, contented and retired grandparents give out. My grandmother's sister happens to be the first woman doctor in the community that I belong to. Found that out yesterday. Watched a rare live concert of MS ... mind blowing!!
Eventful day. But I'm bunking the next day's session. Will go on the last day ( Saturday).

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Lotus Feet

There's this song by Shakti, I recently found it when I was looking for something else. It's got to be the best piece I've ever heard. Since I played it yesterday night, it's been playing continuously, it's the only number enqueued, and I must've heard it close to 50 times since yesterday. All of today morning, most of afternoon..

This song moves me to tears. Especially towards the end, when the tabla picks up to a beautiful complexity, in perfect synchrony with the ghatam. All the while the flute carries on with the lilting melody, above these patterns. It's more than lilting melody. It touches something very deep somewhere. There are these songs that make you feel divine presence.This is one of them. No words, only instruments. I don't even know what Raga the song is based on. This one's about how experts can come together to create a masterpiece.

The flute plays continuously in the song, sometimes long mesmerizing notes, other times softly playing around the scale on shorter notes, all the while the tabla and the ghatam show me how deep resounding booms can co-exist with light-hearted taps on the surface. No display of strength. Only of variety. Of patterns. Of synchronicity.

A lot of things I know theoretically, or felt intuitively, but never really felt deeply, swam up to the surface during those wonderful moments. Firstly, this thing about vibes being a universal entity is true. It knows no languages. Physics can't define aura and energy radiance that we each carry, but the ancient texts do. The song has its own vibes, the tree , the dog, the bridge ... they all have their own resonant frequencies. So do people. Some people we resonate best with, are our close friends. Others cancel out our fond beliefs, so we tend to stay away from the likes. The song is based on a raga ( scale) , that's scientifically defined to have a particular effect on the listener. How on EARTH did they classify ragas so accurately? They must've known more about vibes than we can ever fathom ( as long as we hold on to detached scientific objectivity in such things, we'll never fully know - True realization is extremely subjective. No matter how scientifically accurate.)

This song resonated with the core of my being.

When we're mentally connected to the energies around us, we often "see" more than is visible to the 5 senses. It's a beautiful state to be in, events work out, things happen and most importantly, you're at peace even if they don't quite happen your way. Happy to suddenly be in contact with a bigger picture, a larger family. It's one thing to know about such things, it's another story to really experience that for a moment. It's that momentary lump in your throat, when you're with every beat, every note of the song, feeling it in entirety, when you suddenly feel the beauty.

Friday, March 11, 2005

The Centre

There are continuous sinusoids in my life. Everyone's life, I guess. I say sinusoids because it just feels like a natural state of movement. It’s also got to do with the fact that there’s some constant DC that you can hold on to, when in the throes of such ups and downs. The ones that don’t find this positive direct current, are the ones who bob up, get pulled down, bob up again for a breather, get pulled down again, with each wave that comes at them.
The wave appears to be lashing out at you only if you only if you cannot hold your footing against it. As long as you have something to hold on to, you might actually enjoy even the most threatening of waves. In fact, the bigger they are, the more the thrill. As long as you know you’re safe holding on to something.

That DC is what I call as the centre of my being. As long that’s in place, everything else falls in its place. When that gets displaced due to random noise signals that I give too much importance to, then the size, height, depth of the crest or trough suddenly starts to matter, since I’ve lost sight of my foothold.


That centre has to be kept in sight all the time. Do whatever it takes to do so. Keep your body in good health, eat good food, drink healthy stuff, and that’s usually a big step towards keeping the mind in good health too. And that’s what brings you closer to that complete faith.

Ask children at a beach, swinging wildly between their parents’ firm hands. They’ll tell you how the initial excitement, apprehension, the butterflies in the stomach seeing a BIG wave approaching, finally turns into complete exhilaration when the wave crashes down on you. The loving hands grow tighter in grip, leaving you free to do dare-devilry like swinging your legs up.

You love many things at that moment.

The sheer quantity of water that came crashing down on you, your own tingling excitement that grows with every spray of waves.
The hands that hold you tight, so you can have your share of fun trying to kick higher than the wave.
The feeling of victory when the wave’s dissipated itself and is receding back, bowing down to the strength of your support.
The feeling of implicit faith. Never once thinking that you’re all alone against your troubles, or that the grip might grow weak. No Doubts at all, anywhere.

Two choices that we all have. Thrills, apprehensions. Or Faith.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Wakey Wakey!

I woke up to this truth recently. The truth that I belong to this feminine gender and that ( at least lately), it seems to make a difference to the way people interact with me. Some orkut mails, that came my way only because I belong to the " fairer" sex, caused some initial agitation in me. It's sad, the sleaze you attract just because of your gender.Makes you wonder what you did to ask for it. Now I know it's not me, it's them. Anyone'll do. As long as she can read emails and is a girl.

I'd tried to get this gender boundary out of my mind ages back
(why? consciously? or unconsciously? I still don't know), when I was transitioning from being a kid to being a teenager. Girl Teenager. To me, even if I was aware of the gender of the person in front of me, it didn't figure in my list of things to look out for. I don't know if I started expecting the same from all who crossed my way, but it didn't matter as long as I knew what I was looking for.

With the wonderful childhood I had, I grew up looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses, and still do. The seamy side of human existence has never held my attention for long, because I'd switch off when the negative vibes got too much to handle. It doesn't do to dwell on vibes. Good or bad. So, once in a while, a coupla close-shaves, or nasty moments while I was out exploring the hills, would jolt me back to reality, and remind me of my physical appearance. And remind me of the fact that I'd been living in this virtual, genderless world. That was far removed from reality. Which is why I found it easy to spend hours a day with anyone at all, at any unearthly hour of the day, and be mindlessly unaware of their gender. That of course, was interpreted by other people ( more aware of physical and gender differences than I was) as me being a flirt, having no qualms about spending hours with people who don't belong to my gender. I don't blame them for their perception. Or the lack of it. Anyways, the misinterpretations led to some explain-yourself sessions, which I did, but still couldn't get my point across. Because they couldn't understand that I don't look at myself as being just a girl. Neither could I explain why so. I gave up trying to explain that gender doesn't figure in my list of priorities, because it was heartening to note that this wasn't all they saw in me.

Now when I enter this "marriagable" age ( ok, this is NOT the primary reason), I am trying to draw lines and segregate where the child ends, adult begins, girl ends, woman begins, I end, others begin,words end, realizations and experiences begin, creator ends, the created begins. These lines are fleeting, ephemeral, flashing at me from somewhere, and when I reach there, they playfully flash from somewhere else. The last year has been successfully utilized in drawing a skeleton sketch, when this whole game of self-realization began, but there's still plenty of no-man's land. I think I need to label flags and plant them there, draw clearly defined lines, before I agree to things like marriage. It seems like such a far-away thought, even at the "ripe" age of 24

It's almost as if I'm not the one being spoken of.


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Sound of Silence

Simon and Garfunkel... listening to that song after a long time. It seems like my period of isolation is about to end. Self imposed to an extent, but largely driven by events that kept unfolding throughout the year. It's not the done thing, it's not honourable to stay at home when you're supposed to be earning, blah blah. But since I'd done my share of earning, and even paid for my B.E expenses partly, my parents know I'm not the types to splurge on myself even if I want to, when there are education loans waiting to be paid back. They have faith that I have my priorities in order. Which is why, they perfectly accepted, even if they didn't understand, when I didn't follow the crowd to go earn my moolah after the initial few months ( just a taste of financial independance to see what it feels like). I felt the need for independance on other levels though. Financial independance can happen anytime I wish. But if I don't break free of limitations that I have identified on other more important levels, then I might just end up spending my life circumscribed by them. Because personal space and time is limited once you go out into the world. Routine numbs a lot. Enhances all others.

I needed to find myself after I came out of the bandwagon ( read: B.E). I needed to do that more than I needed to earn, splurge, etc. But it wasn't a conscious decision to stay at home. That, just happened. And because of circumstances far beyond my control. So far beyond my control that it borders on the ridiculous. But I've known more impossible circumstances in my B.E, so this was't so hard to believe for me. To the outsider, it might not make sense at all. But while I was at home, it was a conscious decision not to spend much time hanging out with my different groups of friends. Though I got to know a lot of people very well, I spent more time just being myself, to find out what the core of my being is made up of. To see whether I really have any likes/dislikes (not influenced by my sun-sign or upbringing) in life.

Turns out that I don't.

All things I discover about myself seem to have something to do either with my Zodiac Sign ( there it comes.... tadaaaa!) or with my upbringing's influence. I've spent a lot of time on pattern recognition, last year. Not like I was in the Thinking man's pose, waiting for insights to dawn on me, but all this happened while I went about my daily business, learning what I had to, unlearning most others. But invariably, almost everything that I do or don't do in my daily life, is a shadow of some element of someone's personality, or an element of my Zodiac. The other signs have it easy, they have fixed routes to follow to a large extent. But the piscean is always mutable. The biggest truth about me that I've discovered is that I can be anything. It's SO easy for me to transform my thinking according to that of who ever's next to me, or talking to me.

Once the transformation is done, I can almost predict what they're going to say next. And after they say what they have to, I can feel the energies in their mind after they've said so. All this is stuff that'll land me in NIMHANS if my parents get to hear of it. To others who don't care, this'll be the last sign they needed to classify me as insane. But to me it's the greatest truth. From the beggar on the street who pulls my sleeve, to the don't-know-what-to-do-with-so-much-wealth types I saw in Hyderabad, to the brain-dead, soul-empty software engineer I met on the train to mysore, to the lovely vibes that my uncle and aunty in mysore give out. I can feel it all. More importantly, it becomes a part of me while I'm with them. I carry those vibes home with me. I don't want to do that. But I've been doing so all my life without realizing it. I am overstocked with vibes right now.

Which explains the occasional stack overflow in my mind and the consequent hang up, because all resources are being utilized by some infinitely recursive pointless operation. That's when I switch off, not consciously intending to. That's when I lose awareness of what's happening around me. There're only two stages.
1) I'm in your shoes, and have understood why you walk like that, and inadvertantly have started walking like you.
2) My mind's switched off.

I needed all of last year to find an in-between state, where I'm not being someone or something. I realize that as the higher purpose behind strange quirks of fate making those interviews not happen ( you have to be super dumb not to get thru that kinda nonsense), dragging on a simple passport process for some 3 months, and scores of others that I don't care about anymore, to list down.

While there were colours of upbringing and circumstances and people being mixed in my palette, there was also a parallel stack building up. That of experience. This, along with some basic principles that I have, are the basic cornerstones of any decision I've ever taken in my life. The experience stack is culled from other stacks ( MoS - Moral of the Story Stack, Feel of the Story Stack, Cause of the Story Stack) which stored the vibes. I needed to take stock last year.

The progress : Meditation classes happened, I meditated, battled all the negativity that was being thrown up ( and still is), learnt to live with cycles of complete withdrawal and complete exuberance alike. With cycles of extreme negativity and peaceful contentment alike. I needed to be alone for this state of mind to happen. I now know what part of me takes decisions, is influenced by what factors and why so. I have also realized that some higher force had ordained for this one year gap to happen. It would've happened in the middle of my B.E, had my prayers not caused a miracle. Sounds like too much to take, I know, but those who know what happened agree that what happened was far beyond usual expectations. But since I managed to avert what seemed like a crisis ( losing a year in B.E is a deep stigmatic thing here, no matter what the explanation is), I realize that I'd only succeeded in post-poning it. I needed this year to find out if I even exist as an individual. I had to sort out the different colours mixed in my palette and arrive at my shade.

Turns out my shade IS pure white. All colours mixed. I can be anything, anytime. My identity IS that my identity can be anything. I can feel for, understand, carry home a part of everyone I meet. Maybe I should stop tracing reflections of everyone in my personality and just BE.

But it's been good to have established contact with my inner yardstick and see how it works.
It's been good to have seen different levels of quality in me, coming out as a reflection of my state of mind at particular instants.

It's time to look at more tangible things now.



Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The Establishment

Or the importance of it.

How many times have I wondered what'll happen if judgementalism was totally dispensed with....
What would we see around us if no one belonged to any of the classifications we've all been taught to make? How much time would we save if we didn't try to fit every person into a box whose dimensions have been mostly handed down to us? What is the necessity to see people as this or that? Why not see them as quantized units of XYZ, where xyz is MY yardstick? Now, I don't want everything under the sun to be described w.r.t its relationship to me ( to partly quote Dogbert). I too am as much a part of this game as the next blade of grass is, and even if I have my own yardstick, I still have to guage prudently.

Firstly, there'll be as many yardsticks are there are heads. ( 2 for Siamese twins). And all those yardsticks will further be subjected to judgement on count of how accurately each one defines people. This Big Yardstick that judges the smaller ones, is nothing but our daily life. Our deeds, their effects, their timeliness et al, and how those affect the quality of life we lead, on levels that matter to us - that's the only proof we each have, to see if our judgements have been accurate. This is the only true reflection of whether our perception and consequent judgements ( our respective yardsticks) have been accurate or not. The establishment known as human civilization, chronicles every second of existence, but largely in the form of things done, or not done. The human spirit by itself, has to be communicated to the external world, through actions. No one would know what a beautiful mind Einstein had, if he hadn't taken the trouble to get his work published. It is ultimately what you do that counts, even if what you think is great. Since perception of man is largely limited to the inputs the 5 senses give the mind, one has to bring out visible results before one becomes accepted and revered, or castigated and ostacrised. Till such a stage where man becomes receptive to inputs from sources other than his 5 senses, we'll all have to "show" our spirit through work, words, art, music, and other ways that are percievable.

The Establishment ( read : world as percieved by the 5 senses) is one's only method of giving meaning to the beauty in one's mind. The most beautiful ideas a potter has are of little use unless he dirties his hands to give shape to them. In his daily life. So to that extent, the Establishment is important, and to that extent, judgemental skills are important. His individual yardstick and how he measures the worth of his creativity (or anything else) is of no importance to anyone, unless they can see that. It's all about the utility quotient. We all have to "establish" our spirit's "worth", because the most common yardstick that societies have, is that of usefulness.

But having individual scales of measurements, or individual yardsticks, still only means that we now slot people into boxes that we've ourselves determined the dimensions of. The dimensions haven't been handed down to us. But we're still judging.

Why DO we make judgements about things at all? Ok, looks like a basic need, because to dig a flower bed, you first gotta call a spade, a spade. No work will ever get done if there wasn't constant judgement, decision making, error control, feedback going on.


When we make judgements, we're just technically classifying. When we make decisions based on these judgements, we need to think with more than just the rational mind. When most of our decisions are based almost entirely on the rational judgements we make, then we fail to take into account our own active thinking ( influenced and limited only by the principles we've built into our lives). Active thinking forms a part of other factors that influence decisions ( other factors like intuitive judgement - again, not pre-conditioned intuition, but a more genuine element of our being).
So most decisions we take ( which define the way we live our lives ) do not always depend on rational slotting/classification.

But then how many of us have drawn the line between making judgements and living by them?


We forget that not all flowers grew on the same soil, not all of them need the same kind of manure, and not all of them got the kinda manure they needed. We don't even know what colour they were supposed to be, because who knows what colours their dad and mom each had? Who knows which wind carried what kind of pollen grain and dumped it on what?

If it was inanimate objects like spades and shovels, anyone's sense of judgement would work, since there's no complex thinking that the spade does. As long as it subscribes to a broadly defined shape and size, it'll work as a spade. When it comes to people, the same sense of judgement doesn't quite work.
You can look at a pink flower and say this one was born out of a white and red combination. Botanists and Genetic Engineers can only tell you that these genes are dominant and those genes are recessive. And after extensive research, spanning several generations back, they MIGHT be able to tell you why such traits became dominant/recessive. But lets face facts. The recursion never ends.

Or you can accept the fact that the the flower's pink, and enjoy that colour for a second and move on.

Alternately,if you find beauty in the fact that such brilliant combinations of genes exist in a flower, then its colour isn't as beautiful to you as the intricacies are.

It's a sense of beauty that we all seek. Not just the colour, not just the technical intricacies.