Don't ask me why that song came to my mind. I can't even remember the second line. Just another one of those "apt" sounding thoughts that cross your mind when you start typing. Why apt? Well because curiously, today I'm back in full circle at this point. Don't know exactly where on the sine wave this point comes, but I've been here before. On a different instant of time maybe, but the magnitude of this sinewave is something I've seen before repeatedly. Can't say it's close to the crest. And I've learnt that nothing is rock bottom. But this surely figures somewhere on the lower half of the sine curve.
What actually happened was this Missed-it-by-just-that-much routine again. I've been there before, and have even seen my future dangle by a silken thread all because of this repeating pattern. Today again I missed going to DHL by a cat's whisker. I needed to take some printouts, to send them out, and I manage to print 5 pages out of 6, when there's a power failure. My printer isn't hooked up to the UPS, so it won't work even if the UPS gives me a 15-minute back-up. Also, I'm printing the application off the internet, and I get automatically disconnected from the internet when there's a power failure.There's also my SoP to be printed out. Now if I'd got 10 minutes more, I'd have finished my online business with the printer, reached DHL hours before 6:30 (hmph!) and sent off the packet.
But that was not to be. No big deal really, I can always send the packet tomorrow, I'm well within the deadline to be able to afford a lot more delay and still be comfortably in. Just this moment's deja-vu that I'm trying not to notice. Just telling myself it's a dumb power failure we're talking about. That I must really stop trying to guiltily trace this back to the 10 minutes when I was just listening to a song and doing nothing else, before I got to work on the comp. This whole thing of tracing back the root cause of such close brushes leaves me going around in circles. Because I've seen people who really go easy on themselves get by with what seems to be a stroke of luck, which they've themselves confessed to. In my case, forget stroke of luck, I miss things that I've slogged towards, by such a small margin, it's almost apalling.
Either I'm still missing the lesson. Or there isn't any.
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3 comments:
It is strange but even I have faced numerous such situations in my life. In fact to the extent that I feel that I am cursed. The paradox in my life is basically like this: Whenever I plan/work towards/hope/expect for something to happen, probability of that event occurring is zero. On the other hand, all the good things in my life seem to have happened completely unexpectedly, be it securing an admission in a good college or getting a proposal!!! And I look at others who methodically work towards their goals and make it with envy.
Well, strange as all this may seem, you shouldn't feel cursed. I have faith that I'll see the big picture someday, and even more faith in the fact that all such mishaps will fit in nicely in their own places. Just that I can't see the interconnections right now. All in good time.
The whole idea is to not expect. You can keep deadlines, work with all your energy towards meeting them. But you can't make it happen. That, something else does. Or Doesn't.
I wonder as I wander out under the sky,
How Jesus, the Savior, did come for to die.
For poor, ornery people like you and like I
I wonder as I wander
Out under the sky.
Yeah... i know exactly what your talking about.. anyway, have you ever read "Jacob have i loved"? maybe you got it from there. Anyway, it's a really great book if you ever get a chance, even though it is a childrens book... it sorta depressed me, but me appreciate the attention i do get a little more
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