Help

No one can deny not having taken it, or having given it. Yet, all too often, we take/give help without being aware that our deed falls under this category. In fact, what seems to be a memory of the distant past, suddenly turns into a form of help, suddenly turns into a broomstick :) that you can sweep out old corners with. Suddenly an old corner of your mind's all

• clean and neat, tidied up,
• sorted out,
• and even brightened up with a nice flower.

To put it in more concrete words, at the risk of spoiling the beauty of it all, there was a time when I didn't understand why someone behaved in a particular way. The memories I have of those days were a confused lot. I didn't know what to label each memory as. So had put all those in a box labelled To Be Sorted - Further decisions pending till box is sorted out.
Which basically means that I'd been refusing to make any judgements about that person, or the acts, or the experience I had, till I reach the root cause of the behavior. I was quite prepared not to ever understand this, and to carry the box with me to my grave. Only wanted that I don't decide anything when I don't know the other side of the story. Put more simply, I gave that person the benefit of doubt in all future transactions we'd ever have between us. Total non-judgement.

That has helped preserve cordiality, because my general affection for everyone I meet is usually enough to prevent any ice from forming. If the air starts to nip, then it's mostly because in some corner of my mind, I'd have decided to LET IT nip.

Now recently, an old thought about that person just sprang up in my mind, all by itself. And as is my habit, I started out trying to follow that thought and picking up old pieces of thread and unravelling the knot. I reached my answers about WHY that person behaved that way. Now all of a sudden, I'm glad I didn't judge that person at that time, and didn't decide to sever all ties (as I was honestly tempted to do).
I can't blame myself for wanting to opt out of the relationship then, because things did seem hurtful at the surface. It would have been acceptable to do that, given that this person didn't seem the least bit interested in clearing up the air, let alone feel bad for the harm done.

But now when answers are clear to me, I'm glad I didn't raise those questions then.

For I see the answers in better light now. And no matter how unpleasant it all seemed then, going through that has made me more insightful. I even find myself wishing I'd had such insights then, so I could actually help that person see things in better light, instead of spending time sweeping my own feelings of hurt under the carpet. There would've been no hurt, then. Right now, I see that this person hasn't moved on from that frame of mind, even so many years down the line. Just wish I hadn't let my feelings of hurt ride above my affection. Then I'd have been able to help the situation ( and that person), just like how the situation's helped me understand some fundamental things right now. Here's to a brightened up corner.