Expectations

I don't know what I want. I only know what I don't want.

How helpful is that beyond a point?

Quite, actually. I don't get bogged down with unwanted baggage that I don't want. There is still some that I don't yet have the guts to shed. But that's pittance compared to the TONS of excess mental baggage I've shed. I feel so much lighter.

Now, does this lightness help me move any faster? It does, actually. I sort things out faster than I used to. But there's still ground to cover - some age old tendencies that I shoulder out of habit, more than anything else, need to be sorted.

I'd like to think each circuit I fix in my head will help me do better. But I also know it's stupid to try and quantify these things beyond a point. Self-realization, enlightenment, quantifying oneself - these are all tricky games, disguised cleverly as the right thing to do. We get charmed by the beauty that the occasional flash of connectivity brings us in contact with, and try to make this self-realization a continual process.

Now, expectations are important, no doubt, for they guide our actions. But once you've decided on the action, you MUST relinquish the expectation. Not easy, it's only human to expect things to be successful after you've planned for them expectantly. Yes, I know. But I've experienced, things work out for me only when I'm not seeking those results. When I'm just happy doing. Before this sounds impractical - I hasten to add - planning your actions is important. And plans, are derived from first principles of expectations. So, expectations are the foundation. I DO expect some success that my efforts/action will lead me to. The point here is about being too focussed on the results. When expectations start to grip your mind, they cloud your focus.

It's important to see that fine line, that glass wall.

I'm narrowly treading that line now. I need to let go. Life's got enough to teach me.